The Lady in the Mirror
The Lady in the Mirror
What I see in the mirror... a
middle-aged lady looking back at me.
Someone
who tries to give the world a positive approach to life... motivation for a
better lifestyle, and love to keep going. I see a lady who gives 1000% to her family and
friends and will do anything for them. I see a lady who gives 1000% to her
students and plan each class at the best of her ability. I see someone who is a very hard worker,
loyal, talented in art, and who laughs at herself all the time.
As I look deeper into the mirror,
I see a lady who really doesn't know the person looking back at her. Someone
who is unsure of herself, doesn't know what happiness really is (deep from within),
and who has many insecurities. I see a lonely person, someone who has taken
many roads, in many different directions, someone who is tired of smiling and
laughing when she feels so much pain deep from within.
The lady in the mirror is
confused a lot and hides it very well. These visions of her past jumps into her
mind and vanishes quickly all the time, leaving another mark on her soul. There
are many visions of a young child being beaten, tortured, and this child cries
out in pain, somewhere in a dark, cold room or standing in the corned for many
hours, until she finally fall asleep standing. She
has no feelings and never thought this was abnormal. She takes it and knows
there will be another moment like this one, over and over again.
She goes to school with dirty
clothes on and dirty smelly hair, both of which will cover the welts and bruises on her
body. The other children laughs at her and call her
names because of how she looks and smells. She then goes home and is called
names that she never heard before, but now as an adult knows what cunt, whore, and stupid-a** means. She tries to do well in school, but struggles,
because she is moved from one school to another or the other children are
making fun of the way she talks.
Looking into her eyes, I see
darkness and someone who has been through he** and back. I see a troubled middle-aged woman that
wishes her hard-work will pay off.
Perhaps she is in the wrong field of work? She wishes for some type of sign to make her
deepest thoughts and feelings disappear and wishes to reinvent herself, but
how?
She loves the man that she is
married to and loves her children. She loves her family and her friends. She
wouldn't trade anything for the life that she has now and would go back to the
life she once knew only to be where she is at now.
She questions herself all the
time. She cannot sleep and feels like a zombie.
She tries to keep busy and want to do more and more, just to make sure
she doesn't fall deeper into the darkness. Darkness is scary to her, but
inviting. Darkness follows her like a shadow. She gets to the peak and quickly falls off into nowhere land.
This lady in the mirror will
continue on with a big smile for everyone else to see. She will continue to be what
everyone wants, because she doesn't know who she is anyways. She will laugh and
act goofy like she has been since she was a little girl, because that is all she
knows.
The lady in the mirror wishes she could think and act normal. There is another lady just like the lady in
the mirror and I see her staring back at me too.
Perhaps the "normal" is the goofy, laughing woman, and not some other ideal that society reflects or expects. What is "normal" for that matter? Perhaps the lack of complete definition is what makes you struggle so? With the business you have of encouraging others to set goals to get to where they want to be, perhaps where you struggle is trying to identify steps to reach "normal" when the end result is not even fully identified. Our past builds us to where we are now, molds us into the person that we've become presently. It affects how we think on things that we are approached with in life. It helps us to make choices to ensure that we don't encounter the bad again and that we seek out the good.
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