The Lady in the Mirror

The Lady in the Mirror

What I see in the mirror... a middle-aged lady looking back at me.  

Someone who tries to give the world a positive approach to life... motivation for a better lifestyle, and love to keep going.  I see a lady who gives 1000% to her family and friends and will do anything for them. I see a lady who gives 1000% to her students and plan each class at the best of her ability.  I see someone who is a very hard worker, loyal, talented in art, and who laughs at herself all the time.

As I look deeper into the mirror, I see a lady who really doesn't know the person looking back at her. Someone who is unsure of herself, doesn't know what happiness really is (deep from within), and who has many insecurities. I see a lonely person, someone who has taken many roads, in many different directions, someone who is tired of smiling and laughing when she feels so much pain deep from within.

The lady in the mirror is confused a lot and hides it very well. These visions of her past jumps into her mind and vanishes quickly all the time, leaving another mark on her soul. There are many visions of a young child being beaten, tortured, and this child cries out in pain, somewhere in a dark, cold room or standing in the corned for many hours, until she finally fall asleep standing.  She has no feelings and never thought this was abnormal. She takes it and knows there will be another moment like this one, over and over again.

She goes to school with dirty clothes on and dirty smelly hair, both of which will  cover the welts and bruises on her body. The other children laughs at her and call her names because of how she looks and smells. She then goes home and is called names that she never heard before, but now as an adult knows what cunt, whore, and stupid-a** means.  She tries to do well in school, but struggles, because she is moved from one school to another or the other children are making fun of the way she talks.

Looking into her eyes, I see darkness and someone who has been through he** and back.  I see a troubled middle-aged woman that wishes her hard-work will pay off.  Perhaps she is in the wrong field of work?  She wishes for some type of sign to make her deepest thoughts and feelings disappear and wishes to reinvent herself, but how?

She loves the man that she is married to and loves her children. She loves her family and her friends. She wouldn't trade anything for the life that she has now and would go back to the life she once knew only to be where she is at now.

She questions herself all the time. She cannot sleep and feels like a zombie.  She tries to keep busy and want to do more and more, just to make sure she doesn't fall deeper into the darkness. Darkness is scary to her, but inviting. Darkness follows her like a shadow. She gets to the peak and quickly falls off into nowhere land.

This lady in the mirror will continue on with a big smile for everyone else to see. She will continue to be what everyone wants, because she doesn't know who she is anyways. She will laugh and act goofy like she has been since she was a little girl, because that is all she knows.

The lady in the mirror wishes she could think and act normal. There is another lady just like the lady in the mirror and I see her staring back at me too.