Debbie Lim's Online Journal

Would anyone notice?

I use art, videos, and photos that I creative to express myself. This short clip is showing us doing one of the last request that mom had in her will for us to do.... I cannot express how much I miss mom...

A good friend of mine emailed this to me and it was perfectly written by Tyler Perry. A couple of days ago a storm came through here that was crazy. I’ve never seen that much hail and rain. It reminded me of when I was living in my old house. Every time there was a bad storm I had to go through some major things to get the lights back on in the house. One time there was a storm so bad that lightning hit the house and all the power went out. I looked across the street and my neighbor had power, so I knew the problem was just in my house. Stay with me, I’m going somewhere here… I knew I had to get to the circuit breaker to fix what was going on. Now, in my old house, the breaker box was in the attic, and in order to get to it I had to climb a ladder, go up a flight of stairs and then climb over an air conditioning unit, all the while trying to not step through the ceiling joist or I would go straight through the sheet rock. And imagine trying to do all of this in the dark. But ...

Fifteen minutes from now, it will be 2013. The start of the year without mom. A lot has happened within the few months of mom passing. Donna and I are trying to learn from mom's death and get stronger because of mom's death. We never knew how to live or have fun. Sure when we are in front of our students, we smile and motivate them, but after we leave the class, we are right back to work. All of our lives we "were programmed" to only work, keep busy, and never get sick. Well, guess what? Since mom's death, we are busier than ever, we are working harder and we have been sick! The stress of everything brought down our immune system and our bodies are trying to tell us to slow down. We have had back aches, neck aches, headaches, and even bald spots on our heads! The stress is killing us and we need to slow down. This is my "Bucket List" for 2013: 1. I would like to teach less. Once we are happy with our new team members teaching on their own, I w...

Now I understand how mom felt. No matter how much I try to take care of myself... Eat right, exercise regularly, take care of my health...... My body still is trying to give out on me, because of aging. I hate this! I am laying here in bed, since 5 AM.... I woke up to my neck/upper back trying to spasm and give me a lot of pain. I am praying this will not be "the norm", since this is the second time waking up like this!! It doesn't matter anymore, does it?

It has been three months and two weeks since we lost our mom. Friends have been comforting and loving. Most tell me to "keep the memories alive... think of the good times...".  Little do they know, my childhood was difficult. I am trying so hard to think rational. My mom is not coming back. I will never see her, hug her, or talk with her. Leaving a "habit" of talking with mom everyday is like someone trying to quit smoking. The withdrawal is unpleasant. The emptiness, crying spells, depression is unbearable. Physically it has taken a toll on me too. The last three months I have been sick with something. My hair is falling out and I am breaking out like crazy. I truly believe in mind over matter .  Changing the way we think... positive or negative WILL have an affect on our everyday lives. My childhood. ... although my mom tried her best at holidays, the time in between were very abusive and torture for the Lim children. If we were part of the world today ...

I cannot believe you are still gone mom. It will be three months this coming Tuesday. I miss you so much. In these short, but long three months, a lot has happened..... Obama was elected for a second term. Lord knows how upsetting that would be for you, but for the rest of us, we are very happy with the election. Tammy is now living in a place where there are 25 people that are loving her and paying attention to her everyday. You would be very happy with Tammy's new home. It was hard for Donna and I to let her go, but we knew she would be a lot happier. I kept six of your finches and they had a baby that is living and being taken care of with ALL SIX finches!!! They are in the large cage I gave to you. They love their new home and it is amazing to watch them with the baby. I smile, because remember you always told me that they kill their babies? I am witnessing something completely different mom. Your canary is with George. I think it is a little girl, because George said tha...