Timestamp: 11/6/2009 5:51:00 AM
I decided to stay up this time. Why lie in bed and force myself to (try to) sleep, when all it does is frustrating me.
When you really think about aging, isn’t it really sad for most people. I can already tell that I am not going to “age gracefully”. Youth is wasted on the young. When we are young, we cannot wait until we are older. Oh how we wish we were young “once again” when we are older. I guess it boils down that we are never happen with ourselves. Those of us that want straight hair have curly hair…. Short hair people want long hair… Short people want to become taller… Taller people want to become shorter…
age 17 or 18
Just when you realize your life is going good or if you came to term with certain issues in your life, that is when something would hit the fan. Life is a wild rollercoaster. Once you think something is going well, something else will always pop up.
It is not about negativity. It is about life. You reach the end of one chapter in your life to begin a new one.
For most, you never give up. You keep “keeping on” and hope for the best. You strive to succeed and you work hard trying to get there. Some of us are professional students, we continue to learn new things and gain more knowledge. Some of us work long hours and never make the time to see what is around us, before it is too late. Yet, there are some of us who feel the world owes them. Those people decide to do nothing in their lives except complain or take from others.
Who are you?
Who am I?
I am the workaholic and the one that continues to learn. I am not a professional student, because I felt I put enough time into college, but I do love workshops and learning new things all the time. That is of course, if I find the time to attend. I put aside the things that I love to do, because “I am too busy”. Oh how I wish I could make the time to sit at a blank canvas and paint. I wish I could sit still during the day and well, just sit and do nothing.
I wish when the phone rings and the call is for me, that I could truly enjoy the conversation instead of multitasking while trying to talk. From the second I wake up to the second I lie my head on the pillow, I am working. Perhaps owning many computers and assigning each one to different tasks keeps me too busy.
I have a great interest in holistic living, aromatherapy, martial arts, and the arts. I want to gain so much knowledge so that I could carry an intelligent conversation with those that do know the topics of my interest, but the minute I learn something, it vanishes quickly from my mind.
Right back to the top of this topic…
AGE.
I still feel young inside. When I teach, I love to smile and laugh and I love seeing the smiles and laughter from my students. I feel I kept myself up by eating right, a lot of exercise, and a lot of laughter. I try to stay focus and positive. I have taken negativity out of my life and do not associate with negative people. I stand proud of who I am and who I have become. I am more assuring of myself nowadays. However, I know that I work too hard, but that comes from never wanting to live on the streets again. I do not want to fail at anything, so that contributes to my hard work. I feel by appearance, I look at least ten years (or maybe more) than what I actually am. My fitness level seems to be much better now then it was in my twenties. I love the fact that I never touched alcohol or drugs in my youth and when I see myself to people, I have known in the past, I feel it helped keep my youthful looks…. At least for now…
Reality hits within.
I wake up every morning and I can hardly walk. I look at my body and see it changing right in front of my eyes. I look at my skin and see dryness no matter how much lotion I put on or how much water I drink. I see the gray hairs peeking out from my roots and hate the though of wasting hours at the hair stylist to cover them, (I wait until the last minute to take care of those dang roots!). I look in the mirror and see more lines, more freckles, and now age spots. I also see deep circles around my eyes from no sleep. I see my face starting to sag.
I walk up the stairs from my basement and can hardly breathe! I literally feel pain in my legs and chest just from walking up eight stairs!
Although my health is good, I feel something deep within that does not feel right. I wish I were wrong and I wish I did not know my body so well. Wherever the road of health takes me, I must embrace today. Today, I feel healthy.
My children are adults now. One is hitting 30 and the other just hit 20. If my son is considered “middle-aged”, then what am I?
I see life so differently now. I see our parents getting older or death around us and knowing that we are the next ones in line. I look into Nino’s eyes and see that he feels the same, exact way that I do. I see that we both wish we had more time. When we look into each other’s eyes, I feel our sadness of how much time was wasted on little things… I do know that one day, one of us will be alone from each other and that saddens me. I just hope it is me first to leave this earth and not him. I still see the most gorgeous man in the world. From the first day I met him to now, he will always be the most talented, handsome, smartest man in the world to me. We made it through tough times and hard times. We had our share of fighting, in our youth. See, time was wasted in our youth but I would not change anything in my life with him.
I am lucky to where my life is today. Again, if I had to go back to my abusive childhood… to where no one ever wanted me or loved me… to the streets of the unknown, I would not change one thing if I could make it back to right where I am at today.
See, reality is hitting within. Yes, it will be a struggle to one day see myself as old. Yes, I wish I could be a little younger again. In addition, yes, I wish we could stop time and stay exactly where we are at now, but we cannot. Life is one big rollercoaster. When one leaves it, another enters the long journey of ups and downs. Let us just hope those that are on their journey makes the best out of their lives.
Vegas, 2009
When you really think about aging, isn’t it really sad for most people. I can already tell that I am not going to “age gracefully”. Youth is wasted on the young. When we are young, we cannot wait until we are older. Oh how we wish we were young “once again” when we are older. I guess it boils down that we are never happen with ourselves. Those of us that want straight hair have curly hair…. Short hair people want long hair… Short people want to become taller… Taller people want to become shorter…
age 17 or 18
Just when you realize your life is going good or if you came to term with certain issues in your life, that is when something would hit the fan. Life is a wild rollercoaster. Once you think something is going well, something else will always pop up.
It is not about negativity. It is about life. You reach the end of one chapter in your life to begin a new one.
For most, you never give up. You keep “keeping on” and hope for the best. You strive to succeed and you work hard trying to get there. Some of us are professional students, we continue to learn new things and gain more knowledge. Some of us work long hours and never make the time to see what is around us, before it is too late. Yet, there are some of us who feel the world owes them. Those people decide to do nothing in their lives except complain or take from others.
Who are you?
Who am I?
I am the workaholic and the one that continues to learn. I am not a professional student, because I felt I put enough time into college, but I do love workshops and learning new things all the time. That is of course, if I find the time to attend. I put aside the things that I love to do, because “I am too busy”. Oh how I wish I could make the time to sit at a blank canvas and paint. I wish I could sit still during the day and well, just sit and do nothing.
I wish when the phone rings and the call is for me, that I could truly enjoy the conversation instead of multitasking while trying to talk. From the second I wake up to the second I lie my head on the pillow, I am working. Perhaps owning many computers and assigning each one to different tasks keeps me too busy.
I have a great interest in holistic living, aromatherapy, martial arts, and the arts. I want to gain so much knowledge so that I could carry an intelligent conversation with those that do know the topics of my interest, but the minute I learn something, it vanishes quickly from my mind.
Right back to the top of this topic…
AGE.
I still feel young inside. When I teach, I love to smile and laugh and I love seeing the smiles and laughter from my students. I feel I kept myself up by eating right, a lot of exercise, and a lot of laughter. I try to stay focus and positive. I have taken negativity out of my life and do not associate with negative people. I stand proud of who I am and who I have become. I am more assuring of myself nowadays. However, I know that I work too hard, but that comes from never wanting to live on the streets again. I do not want to fail at anything, so that contributes to my hard work. I feel by appearance, I look at least ten years (or maybe more) than what I actually am. My fitness level seems to be much better now then it was in my twenties. I love the fact that I never touched alcohol or drugs in my youth and when I see myself to people, I have known in the past, I feel it helped keep my youthful looks…. At least for now…
Reality hits within.
I wake up every morning and I can hardly walk. I look at my body and see it changing right in front of my eyes. I look at my skin and see dryness no matter how much lotion I put on or how much water I drink. I see the gray hairs peeking out from my roots and hate the though of wasting hours at the hair stylist to cover them, (I wait until the last minute to take care of those dang roots!). I look in the mirror and see more lines, more freckles, and now age spots. I also see deep circles around my eyes from no sleep. I see my face starting to sag.
I walk up the stairs from my basement and can hardly breathe! I literally feel pain in my legs and chest just from walking up eight stairs!
Although my health is good, I feel something deep within that does not feel right. I wish I were wrong and I wish I did not know my body so well. Wherever the road of health takes me, I must embrace today. Today, I feel healthy.
My children are adults now. One is hitting 30 and the other just hit 20. If my son is considered “middle-aged”, then what am I?
I see life so differently now. I see our parents getting older or death around us and knowing that we are the next ones in line. I look into Nino’s eyes and see that he feels the same, exact way that I do. I see that we both wish we had more time. When we look into each other’s eyes, I feel our sadness of how much time was wasted on little things… I do know that one day, one of us will be alone from each other and that saddens me. I just hope it is me first to leave this earth and not him. I still see the most gorgeous man in the world. From the first day I met him to now, he will always be the most talented, handsome, smartest man in the world to me. We made it through tough times and hard times. We had our share of fighting, in our youth. See, time was wasted in our youth but I would not change anything in my life with him.
I am lucky to where my life is today. Again, if I had to go back to my abusive childhood… to where no one ever wanted me or loved me… to the streets of the unknown, I would not change one thing if I could make it back to right where I am at today.
See, reality is hitting within. Yes, it will be a struggle to one day see myself as old. Yes, I wish I could be a little younger again. In addition, yes, I wish we could stop time and stay exactly where we are at now, but we cannot. Life is one big rollercoaster. When one leaves it, another enters the long journey of ups and downs. Let us just hope those that are on their journey makes the best out of their lives.
Vegas, 2009
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